A Love Letter to My Mom
It’s 5:50am and I’m drinking my coffee thinking of you. It wasn’t so long ago that it was 2:50am and I would be nursing my baby and thinking of you. I used to count the passage of time in bills due, or the appearance of grey’s that needed to be colored, now I watch it like a trippy time-lapse movie in my child and I wonder, how weird it must be for you to see your babies as 40 year olds with crows feet.
I waited till the quiet of morning to write this letter, till my wine was replaced with coffee so I wouldn’t get too emotional. A flawed theory really. I’m typing as tears roll down my face and make me strangely itchy. I miss you. I hope you know that. I tell you I love you almost every day, but never that I miss you, and I miss you so much. More than that, I appreciate you so so so much and I’m so sorry for being such a turdy teenager. Oh my God was I ever a challenge!
Certainly you wouldn’t appreciate me pasting your life on the interwebs, but I want you to know that in my adult life and especially as a new Mother, I see and understand, and appreciate all the sacrifices you made for us, the early mornings and late hours, the Mom-Taxi service to/from every class or rehearsal, and the cream cheese swirl in the birthday bundt cakes.
I appreciate the career you were steadily building at work while coming home to poorly applied jet black box dye on blonde hair, graffiti, broken glass and sister squabbles nearly every night. Thank you for letting me live to see another day after all of that. I apologize.
But mostly thank you, for always lending an (outwardly) unbiased ear whenever I need you, for telling me to get up, go outside, and touch the ground, when I wasn’t sure I could go on. For supporting me through my joy, and grief, and fears and successes. Thank you for your intelligence and humour, and for showing me that you CAN devote yourself to your kids and your career and still travel the world and find great love and learn Italian. And thank you for always smelling like my Momma.
I love you like no other.